My cat died this morning. Or we watched a vet kill her. I found her lying under a chair that she likes to sleep on. Her head was between the wheel and a subwoofer under the desk, and she was sprawled out. She never does that… I got imediately worried and woke up my wife. Syd got up, and tried to turn around, but was not very able. She had peed herself. We thought she broke her hip, so we got her into a box with a towel and to the vet when they opened an hour later.

The vet said that nothing was broken, and she had brain trauma. Her left pupil was dilated and her right was somewhat in and out of light dilation. She wasn’t responding to light. She lay in my arms twitching light as if trying to walk, but she faded so quickly as I watched her… I could see much choice, so we had to put her down.

I don’t know if I will ever stop feeling like I failed her in some way. It is a hard feeling to shake.

I think she mostly had a good life, she was such fun cat. A 16 year old kitty yesterday who cuddled on my lap as I scratched her ears and rubbed her head, and then she was just… gone this morning. So fast.

Walking away from her limp body was… so hard…